Thursday, December 08, 2005
I'll be good 'till thursday comes
The world will think i never had
An idea that could drive me mad
I don't know why it occured to me to include song lyrics about the corresponding days of the week, but the week is almost over... so nah!
I'll be good 'till thursday comes
Hopefully today won't drag on! I am headed to mom's after work, to pick up some of my Christmas Decorations. I have oodles of snowmen! I love snowmen! We put my big tree up at her house, So she is going to lend me an itty bitty tree... :( but I think it is best due to the small size of my apartment! And coupled with the other decorations, I think it will look fine!
I can't believe that it is nearing the end of yet another year. Where on earth does the time go? I am getting so damned old! I can't help but feel like it is time to grab life by the horns... but sometimes I just feel like all I can do is hold on, cause it really is a wild ride! I can't help but feel like I am so behind. Not behind as in like I have bills to pay, or homework to do. Like I am not where I thought I would by by the age of 25. I fully expected to be married with kids by now. And reading Garry's Blog, with his Molly Adventures, it make me realize how much I miss that.
I wonder how the little one is doing. For those of you who do not know, I dated my x-fiance (he who shall never be named) who had a 6 mo old boy. I raised him until we broke up, for 2.5 years. He called me Momma. It always tugs on my heartstrings at this time of year. I mention it now, becuase Molly had her shots yesterday, and it brought back very dear memories of Drew's first shots. I cried like a baby. I remember his Christmas' and the look of sheer joy when he figured out how to open presents. Being a surrogate mother, I had no rights when we split ways. Thinking back, I believe that he was the reason I hung on so long to begin with. My heart hurts for him, I wish the best for him. I would give anything to have him in my arms again, with his head full of curls. He would be 7 now. I also tend to reflect on what could have been. He who shall never be named, and I were pregnant, but lost the baby on Drew's birthday, and though it has been almost 5 yrs a week ago, it still haunts my dreams.
I think I have the baby blues. And what is sad, is that there is no clear fix in sight. I don't for see me being married, or even seriously involved with anytime soon. I don't know what defense mechanism I have in place, or how to disable it, but I long to be free from it's chains. Or perhaps it is not me, perhaps there just are not any good men left out there. se la ve...
quick change of subject, sorry if I drug anyone down.
My final is fast approaching. My studying is slow going. Chapter 15 seems to be the never ending chapter!
Then burn all good away
Useless trivia: The letter "J" does not yet appear anywhere within the periodic table of the elements.
Thought for the day: (Since it's appropriate, only a few parts were quoted...)
Yesterday, December 7, 1941 - a date which will live in infamy - the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan...
Always will we remember the character of the onslaught against us. No matter how long it may take us to overcome this premeditated invasion, the American people in their righteous might will win through to absolute victory...
With confidence in our armed forces, with the un bounding determination of our people, we will gain the inevitable triumph so help us God...
~ Theodore Roosevelt
Blog ya later folks!
shes_a_sprite @ 8:52 AM.
Spritey!! *Huge hugz*
I did read once on your blog that you helped raise your exe's child for a couple of years.
You have a beautiful heart and loved him just like a bio mother, that love can happen, it doesnt take the whole birthing experience to know that bond between mother and child.
I'm sure you played a very huge role in his life and did your part, who knows what would have happened if you had not been there? I'm not saying your ex is bad, im just talking of the circumstances of life.
Perhaps one day you can see him again or write him when he is older.
Sorry about your loss of child too, my cousin just miscarried recently and is devestated. There is a beautiful place for those children who don't make it into this world, and really it's not such a wonderful world these days!
Take care x
4:45 PM
Post a Comment
<< Home